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  • Writer's pictureToni

Born In Lockdown

I return to work this week from Maternity Leave. In fact, I properly return to work after over 14 months off! Local community groups, school sessions and coaching clients all begin.

We fell pregnant with Taye in February 2020. We obviously didn’t expect a deadly virus to take over the world when we decided to try for another baby and at the point it hit the UK, it was only myself and Ryan that knew I was expecting. Lockdown was placed upon us and I had to stop work, other than a couple of online sessions and YouTube videos for the kid’s Movement, Meditation & Mindset groups that I hold, I was at home with my brats for the foreseeable.

Pregnancy was no fun. Just as the two previous times, I was as sick as a dog. The first 20 weeks were horrendous with nausea then the last 20 weeks with Pelvic Girdle Pain. I’m just not one of those women who enjoy being pregnant. I could actually think of nothing worse to be honest with you. My body does not react well to a baby growing inside it! And to top it all off, our little guy decided he didn’t want to come out and lay in a nice breech position. I opted for an Elective Caesarean Section as the thought of someone trying to manually push the baby into a different position made me feel really uneasy. I researched loads about it beforehand as I 100% knew that he was lying breech. So when they actually confirmed it at my last growth scan it didn’t come as a shock. \

Ryan didn’t get to come along to any of the scans which was pretty crap for him. I was okay about it as it was my third baby and I knew what to expect, but I really felt for first time mums that had to go through that experience alone. Pregnant women were kinda forgotten throughout the majority of the pandemic, until they started kicking up a fuss that is. The government eventually took notice and made some adjustments to the restrictions. It was really good to see that they began to allow partners in for the 12 and 20 week scans. Ours were over by that point mind you, so Ryan missed them all.

The time came and Taye was born in October 2020 by c-section. Part of me was glad to be giving birth this way as it meant Ryan had a date to be home. He worked in London at the time and can you imagine me having to phone and say “Hey, I’m in labour. Can you get home like, now?!”, wouldn’t have been good! It worked out for the best. But my god, give me a natural birth any day. That recovery is horrendous! Literally sliced open, major abdominal surgery and then expected to be up and about as normal, less than 12 hours later, with a baby to look after on your own. Jees! Hats off to all of you that have been through that time and time again. You are tough mamas!

Due to the c-section recovery time and the lockdown restrictions, once we got home that was basically the only place we went. I didn’t even do the school and nursery runs in the beginning because I wasn’t allowed to drive. Ryan was obviously back working away and thank the lord for our parents. They have and still do help out daily with walking Peggy the Pug and taking the girls to school and nursery. Having that support network has helped me massively.

My issue now is that my 7 month old baby has practically been attached to me and only me since he was born. Even though he sees our parents and my gran daily and has done since the week he was born, he isn’t that keen on going to anyone. I think the longest I have left him with someone other than his dad is 4 hours and that was only last week. Ayla was staying over with grandparents from around 3 weeks old. Dara was dragged into my salon from 8 weeks old and passed to whichever client or staff member wanted her. Taye has literally been at home, with me. If he can see me in the room, he wants me. If I leave the room, he screams until I come back in. I am so not used to this attachment. He has gotten much better over the past couple of weeks and been around some more people which I feel has really helped. But I even feel it. When I left last week and knew I was going to be away for they 4 hours I felt the anxiety inside. I thought about him the entire time I was away and just wanted to get back home. My gran was looking after him and he was absolutely fine, but it honestly felt horrible being away that long. I deliberately done it because I had to make sure he would be okay with her when I return to work. So on Wednesday I am going to be away from him for over 8 hours. 8 hours! Even writing this I can feel my tummy going.

I truly believe this is down to him being born during the pandemic. If things had been normal he would have had the same first few months as our girls did, other than being in the salon, he would have been coming along to my kids groups instead. He would have been socialising and interacting with so many other babies, children and adults. As I said, I’ve been really lucky because of the support I have around me. I know others that have had babies or that are pregnant just now who aren’t so lucky. Know that you guys are not alone! You are facing one of the most stressful times of your life, but it is also one of the most amazing times. Cherish every moment. Don’t feel bad for spending too much time or not enough time with your baby. Go with the flow. Circumstances are changing daily for us and all you can do is your best. I’m going to go to work on Wednesday, absolutely buzzing to get back into the schools, to help these kids, but I am also going to be sitting the entire day missing and worrying about my baby boy (I totally know he will be fine, but they thoughts will be there) and that’s okay!

This is your experience. It is what it is. Just make the best of what you can! Reach out to other mums or mums-to-be. Share your experience! Support each other!


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