They say you know who is there for you when something bad happens don’t they?
On the 29th May, 2021 we lost my Grandma Gwen. You may have read the blog post about us waiting for her to pass, she eventually let go after a week. What a strong woman eh? Holding on for a full week after the doctors expected her to go. So, yeah, she’s gone. Finally at peace and back with my Granda Pete.
Most people in my life knew what was going on. As you would, I told my nearest and dearest because I knew I would be quieter than usual and wanted them to know why. Friends and family were checking in daily to see if she was still hanging on or to ask how I was coping with everything. It was nice knowing people were there supporting me, to know they were there if I needed them.
Remember, I’m a fixer, so I’m usually the person at the other end of the phone supporting people. I thought it would be hard to be at the receiving end but it really wasn’t. It was actually really comforting. It was always the same people though, checking in everyday or every other day. At times I’d see the text come through and think “Jees I told you I’m fine!”, but then I would have a word with myself as I knew deep down they were asking because they cared. Most of them know I’m always the one checking in on others, so I think that pushed them even more to make sure I was okay and not hiding away from my feelings.
The week went on and Grandma eventually let go. I done the rounds, texting and phoning those who had been asking about her to let them know. No one can say anything in that moment to make anything better, but everyone’s words were still comforting and appreciated. Even once I put the post on social media about it, the amount of lovely comments from people I hardly even knew, who had never met Grandma. People are just really kind and sympathetic in these situations. I suppose losing someone is something most people can relate too and it brings out a caring side to us all.
Once she had passed the messages slowly stopped, apart from a couple of people who are still checking in with me today. Now, I myself will hold my hands up here and admit that I am guilty of doing this. Thinking back to friends who have lost people, how long afterwards did I stop checking in to make sure they were okay? Probably pretty soon after. I mean I have been okay, I was kept busy with my brats and my work, plus we’ve had work being done in the house, so my mind hadn’t really had time to wander. But that’s not the case for everyone.
Grief can take time to hit us. It can happen instantly as soon as you hear the news, a few days or weeks later, maybe even months. That’s why it’s important to keep making sure the person in the situation is still okay. If you stop checking in when you say your condolences, anything could happen after then. It doesn’t take long to send a text. They might not even reply straight away or at all, but at least they know you are there if they need you. And that’s what people who are grieving may need.
My Grandma’s funeral wasn’t until 13 days after her passing. Most of my friends probably forgot it was even happening because I hadn’t mentioned it for the week or so before. Yet some remembered. The night before and morning of I got so many messages, then again that night and the following day. People just wishing me well. But the feelings that ran through me as I read each one, wow! Knowing that these people, some who hadn’t even met my Grandma, cared so much about me to support me like they had been. Honestly, it has kept me going. I am so, so grateful for each and every one of them. They have shown me who is there. They have shown me who my supporters are. Thank you all for your messages if you are reading this!
We all have them. All around us. Some may even be people that we hardly speak to on a daily or weekly basis, yet they are still there in the background. These people matter. The saying at the top of this page is true; we really do see who is there for us when something shit comes our way…
But don’t just look at who your supporters are, make sure you are one of other people’s supporters too!